I’m scheduled to run the program at my upcoming RWA chapter meeting and I’ve decided to talk about internal/external conflict and distinguishing between the two.  Sounds like I know what I’m talking about, right?  HA!  I, like most other authors I know, have occasionally heard “you need more internal conflict” (apparently I’ve got the external pretty well covered).

So, if it can be  a problem for me, why am I speaking on the subject?  Well, maybe that’s why I picked the subject.  I think I’m assuming that by preparing to talk about it (for an hour, gulp!) I might actually learn something myself — immersion therapy, maybe?  If it works, great!  If not, it’s gonna be painful to say the least… standing up in front of my peers, knee-deep in flop sweat. At least the restaurant we go to afterwards has a bar!

Now then, back to conflict.  Let’s use the above situation as an example.  I have to give a presentation on a topic I wouldn’t consider myself an expert on (external conflict).  I’m paranoid I’ll look foolish (internal conflict - man vs. himself…see, I’ve done some research!)  I’m, by nature, a VERY paranoid person — thanks, Dad, that’s SO your fault (internal conflict…lots of it, very meaty stuff, but I digress).  Therefore, the situation has both internal and external conflict.  It’s just a matter of identifying  it in your writing and playing up whichever one may be lacking.  Personally, it’s hard for me to do that. I know some are very good at distancing themselves from their writing, but the only way I seem to be able to do that is by physically putting some time between myself and my writing. 

Unfortunately, that method doesn’t make for a very productive writing schedule.  Mix in my husband, 3 kids, full-time job (teaching…mix in another 125 kids) and life in general and well, you’ve heard that sad song before, haven’t you?

Hey, I just did it again…LOTS of external conflict in the above description, right?  Internal….hmmmmm.  Well, now you see my dilemma. Okay, okay, I can do this.  How about:  I’m carrying TONS of guilt over my inability to juggle my life the way I THINK I should. Yeah, that’s good for a little internal conflict.  Maybe my husband is not at all supportive of my writing efforts (he truly is, but I’m trying to “punch” it up).  OR  maybe I’m sabotaging my own writing because I’m really afraid of what will happen if I WERE to be successful.  How would my life change?  Would it be all good? or would it quite possibly put more demands on my time that I simply couldn’t meet and I’d ultimatly fail in the end?  (WOW!  TONS of internal conflict! - told you I’m uber-paranoid)

Yeah, I like that version better.  It’s believable and  gives me so much more to work with just dumping/blaming it all on my poor unsuspecting husband.

Now only a couple of questions remain:

1.  Did I correctly identify internal/external conflict?  Uh, I think so.

2.  Am I able to “amp” up the tension if it’s called for? Uh, I think so.

3.  Do I have the name of a qualified therapist to help me deal with my unresolved issues of success and failure?  Well, duh.

Wow, this site would sure look better if I knew what I was doing.  I love all these DIY sites that are “user-friendly.”  Uh, maybe for the average 16 year old, but that ain’t me.  The only thing user-friendly about the whole darn thing was the “add to cart” button ( one thing I can work with confidence is a credit card). I just know on the other end of that transaction there was some dude in a white short-sleeve shirt and pocket protector rubbing his hands with glee.   Sure, lady, you can pay for it, but know this…you’re going to be staring at the “Site Under Construction” screen until you cough up the additional $$$ for all of the other add-ons, plug-ins, bells, whistles, and chocolate sprinkles you’ll HAVE to have to make this site operational. 

Which leads me to my title…WTF - What the Frazier.  This was a saying coined by several students in my 3rd and 4th hour American History classes in 2007 (you guys know who you are).  It was usually uttered whenever a test rolled around, as in “A test?  What the Frazier?!  You didn’t say anything about there being a test today!”  (Picture the righteous indignation of an 11th grader and you get the picture.)  Alas, the students have since graduated (well, most of them anyway) but the saying lives on.  I like it.  It fits on so many levels.

So here it is, my first post.  If someone reads it and likes it, great.  If not, WTF.

Oh yeah, if by chance you’re reading this and the site design is no longer plain ol’ blue and white, you have Lynn Lamousin to thank for it…she rocks out loud.  Not many people would go with me to a gay beauty pageant just for the hell of it.  Gotta love that.